Jumat, 10 Oktober 2008

Discipline - Be Clear, Be Firm, Be Consistent

by: Helen Williams
Children learn best by being given clear, firm and consistent direction from parents who are clear, firm and consistent in their approach. How to Discipline Children by Being Clear: Firstly find and maintain clarity within yourself and then follow through on simple, clear instructions. Clarify for your self what being clear means. It is about being plain, obvious, and understandable in a clear, short sentence that explains exactly what you mean. It isn't about maybe this or maybe that. Often parents have no idea that they chop and change their minds within minutes. To become clear about your own patterns of behavior, observe yourself and ask for your partner's help in this. "We are going to tidy up your toys in five minutes", is clear and direct. Follow this with, "Please help me tidy up your toys now" and it means just that. Be firm with yourself about this. It doesn't mean soon, or later, but now. I have seen parents give out this simple instruction, then become distracted themselves by a television program, conversation or magazine. What their children observe is parents saying one thing and doing another and this gives a much distorted message. Multiplied over many times each day, is it any wonder that children cease to follow simple instructions? How to Discipline Children by Being Firm: Firstly find and maintain firmness for yourself and then follow through with firm clear directions in a firm, clear tone. Clarify for your self what being firm means. To be firm is to be certain, definite, and determined. It is also being loving, kind and calm. It means saying no and meaning no, or saying yes and meaning yes and sticking to it. It's about now being now. How often does your no become perhaps, later, maybe giving in, next time, soon, or alright then? This is a very common fault in how to discipline children and again it leads to numerous mixed messages for children. Resolve within yourself and with your partner's help to ascertain how often you are both easily swayed into changing your decisions. Are you allowing your children to manipulate you? Imagine how simple your life will become when you are clear and firm within yourself. It is every child's right to KNOW they can trust their parent's boundaries. So firstly, become firm with your own boundaries and then apply this to your parenting discipline. "It is bedtime, (bath time, meal time) in five minutes" is a clear direction. Now follow through on this. Giving the direction in a calm, clear, firm tone of voice helps your children to understand that you mean what you say. Being firm is about being in control of both yourself and the situation. How to Discipline Children by Being Consistent: Firstly find and maintain consistency for yourself and then follow through with a firm, clear, consistent approach. Clarify for yourself what being consistent means. To be consistent is to be reliable, dependable and constant. These words immediately convey comfort don't they? Let's look at the opposite of being consistent. Contradictory, unpredictable, changeable. That's definitely lacking in comfort and safety. So how do you want to be seen by your children? To begin with it can seem quite time consuming to concentrate on clear, firm, consistent guidelines. Be aware that this is very true. It takes concentrated effort and time to change old habits to new ones, but if you maintain consistency, you will be very surprised how quickly new patterns of behavior are formed. Parenting Discipline In Summary: With parenting discipline we are teaching our children how to have self control, self discipline and to become self reliant, so they are able to make good choices for themselves. The only way children can learn to do this is by being given the opportunities for this learning. This means not over protecting them, or doing everything for them, but maximizing their opportunities to learn through personal experience and observation, even when this means making mistakes. Can you see the opportunities here to change some of your own patterns of behavior into superior ones? Clear, firm, consistent parenting is quality parenting. You learn to trust your own responses and your children are surrounded by your loving constancy. This is the recipe for creating a happy, well adjusted family.
About The Author

Helen Williams Editor Consistent Parenting Advice.com
http://www.consistent-parenting-advice.com

3 Strategies to Teach Your Children How to Problem Solve

by : Matt Hellstrom

Dr. James Lehman's assertion is that kids don't know how to problem-solve, and that's why they act out in inappropriate ways. It's a coping mechanism they've developed to force someone else to solve the problem at hand for them. What he does with The Total Transformation Program is help us parents give our kiddos the tools they need to solve their problems. The tools that promote responsibility taking and accountability.
Here are three of these techniques that can give you a firm idea of how simplistic and realistic these tools are in turning things around and quickly.
Make direct statements. Tell them what you want , firmly and clearly, then walk away. Don't be afraid of appearing powerless. You've made your child accountable for his actions, and to him that's powerful.
Disconnect. Stop communication with the child if they're being abusive or disrespectful. Make it a power vacuum, and you'll be amazed how fast things change. This is one that we've started using and I can't believe how good it works. Communication should not resume until the child takes responsibility for their behavior.
Make the consequences task-oriented and time-limited. Use, as often as possible, consequences that are directly connected to the problem behavior, e.g. "you cannot use the phone until you finish your homework tonight". Remember your child cannot be punished into acceptable behavior. They should be short term, not a prison term.
Lastly, don't hold your breath! Their problem-solving skills will develop. However, change and gratitude don't come overnight. Later on, blame will be replaced with thanks, but it might be a while in coming.
A few good reminders - Don't let what the child says or does in response to your actions change your way of handling the problems. Consistency is a huge benefit in parenting. And don't be too hard on yourself if you slip up. Remember this is also retraining a lot of our parenting behaviors too. One thing is for sure, you will get another chance to practice these techniques!
These tips are part of a guaranteed, simple program designed to stop your child's out-of-control, defiant behavior RIGHT NOW! Read a review of The Total Transformation today, and take the first step to getting control of your house back. You can also learn more effective parenting skills from Matt and Julie's parenting journey blog. This blog contains lots of useful (and some useless) tidbits that they've discovered in the last 15 years of parenting in the trenches with 5 adopted kids.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Matt_Hellstrom

Steps You Need to Take to Protect Your Children From Online Predators

By Gregg Hall

Stories of cyber creeps are plenty. Every now and then we come across incidents where questionable people have lured children in to divulging sensitive information to unknown people, of meeting perverts online and getting violated, the list could go on. As a parent, you are surely worried about the acquaintances your children make online. A nameless and faceless cyber world can pose serious threat to those who do not tread on its turf cautiously. If you are complacent, chances are that you will end up in trouble in the cyber world let alone the inexperienced teenagers or your ten year old!

Education is power! Tell your children why it is important to be cautious in the internet. Share with them stories and published guidelines on how to behave in the cyber world. Ask them never to divulge sensitive information like social security numbers, telephone numbers, contact address, etc. to unknown people.

Teach them. Teach them how to behave in the cyber world. Tell them what to do and what not to. Tell them how to talk and what to do in order to avoid unwanted attention. Ask them to follow internet etiquette diligently - this could mean the difference between security and total violation of safety.

Guide them. Sit with them and guide them how to access internet - the messages and language that may lead to questionable situations. Show them the websites that they should stay away from and why. Help them understand the best way to enjoy internet without compromising security and peace of mind.

Prevent them. Often teaching and guidance may not go all the way. In such a situation, use prevention.

• Bar the websites that you think may lead to unwanted situations. Most internet service providers give parental control options. Allow only certain websites and define the websites that you do not want your children to visit. Various anti-virus software also provide the option of blocking websites that may have adult content or are hosted in insecure web locations. Make full use of those features.

• Give them internet time only for a specific period and during specific hours of the day. Do not let them access the internet all the time. Do not share the password for internet connection

• Do not share passwords for areas in your computer that are protected for confidential reasons. Kids do not need to know that. In fact if need be prevent access to all those areas in your computer.

Observe them. Although no child would like their parents sneaking behind their backs, but initially it is a good idea to keep an eye on the websites that your children are regularly visiting. See if there is any website that you think may cause trouble. Discuss with them your concern. Children often understand if they are treated like adults.

Teach your children to enjoy the fruits of technological advances responsibly. As long as you are in a safe and secured environment, you will enjoy your online experience more. Treading on tough, murky areas is neither comfortable nor desirable.

Gregg Hall is an author living on the Emerald Coast of Florida. Now that you know a little more about computer security be sure that you get quality computer accessories by going to http://www.nsearch.com

8 Benefits Of Home Schooling. But What About The Disadvantages?

Nic Haffner Published 12/5/2006 Children Unrated

Home Schooling - Benefits And Disadvantages
There are more than one reason why more and more parents choose home schooling instead of the traditional schools; the benefit of home schooling is when your child is able to succeed in life and you know you had a little bit to do with those achievements.
Home schooling is legal in the United States, even if there have been and still are many controversies on the issue of whether or not the child is benefiting from this procedure; this issue if still being debated and even a banning of this practice may be applied if enough evidence is found that children do not actually benefit from it.
8 Benefits of Home Schooling
Some of the most common reasons why parents are taking up home schooling:
1 Provide overall safety of the child at all times
2 Mentally or physically challenged children who cannot attend normal school anyway and parents for whatever reason refuse to send them to special designed schools, will normally benefit from home schooling.
3 The benefit of parents having direct supervision on what the child is studying first hand.
4 Home schooling means teaching and leaning experience for both parent and their child every day
5 For single parents who works at home it might be beneficial and convenient to take up the child's education as well.
6 An issue which many parents value, is the results for which the parent or parents are directly to praise or blame.
7 Keeping up the bonding between parent and child that some parents lose when the child goes away to school
8 The greatest benefit of home schooling, which almost every parent will agree with, is the achievements of one's child. When you see that your efforts and teaching have finally paid off and your child can receive its home schooling curriculum.
3 Disadvantages Of Home Schooling
While the benefit of home schooling may seem too good to be true and worth the trouble there are also a few disadvantages to take in consideration:
1Parents may overdo the teacher's role by either being too strict or by being too lenient
2 The child missing on interacting with kids his or her own age. This is probably one of the main disadvantages of home schooling
3 Parents may lack sufficient skills like academic knowledge or teaching ability
Some parents are convinced of the benefits and chosen home schooling for their children and family. They will have to do the best they can and trust that they will reap the benefit of home schooling in the end. Parents and other interested people that are not so convinced yet, but are still debating about it, must make sure to take all angles in consideration before making the choice. The benefit of home schooling that you are hoping for may turn out to be something else thant what you thought in the end. There is a chance that this might be something negative both for you and your child. So gather all information you can on the topic and don't make up your mind before you are sure this is something for your children and family.

Nic Haffner is a web publisher who likes to give his readers Home Schooling and related Info. Check out http://www.home-schooling-20.com for more detailed information.

Teaching Good Manners to your Teens

John David Published 08/23/2007 Children Unrated

Manners instruction is always together from the other things, a parent or primary caregiver is obliged to do to elevate a steadfast, independent kid. It?s not a kind of add-on that is concentrate to after the learning and the soccer, dance and piano lessons are done. Instead, teaching and representation of good manners are essential to daily family life.
Most important ideas we are using behind the good manners we use these days: tradition, consideration, and common sense. Tradition is the practice of doing certain things like shaking hands and tipping hats.
Consideration is the most significant thought behind all good manners. Almost always, being thoughtful is being well-mannered. Consideration is just thinking concerning the way the other person feels. Being vulgar to someone is bad manners, not because any one says so, but because it causes upset feelings. Nearly all good manners have in component of common sense. If you are standing in the rear of a jam-packed elevator, it's neither reasonable -nor good manners-to try approaching your way to the front so you can come out first from the crowed.
Good manners will help your kid, flourish in social situations.Whether your kid has a severe concern or is just uninterested and tired, you can help it understand that crying and earsplitting will not assist its circumstances. By become conscious that if you treat your kid as if you were speaking to a mature, using simpler wording and examples they can narrate to of course, your kid will older sooner and respect others silence and quite.
The rules enclosed individual conduct at home, at school, at play, in the road, at the table and general politeness. School rules accentuate that kids should respect teachers, other students and school belongings. Corrupt, untruthfulness and spinelessness were disheartened at school and play.
Manners are much more than just proverb please and thank you. It?s a way of showing gentleness and kindness. Whether we like it or not, people will judge our children on how they hold themselves. It?s much easier to teach good manners while our kids are young than it is to break bad habits when they are older. Voltaire said, ?We cannot always necessitate; but we can always speak kindly
Manners and respect are always together. Children begin increasing respect for others by first mounting it for their parents. Children should be taught to behave in mannerly ways toward their parents. That means kids should not be permitted to call their parents by their first names, to interrupt adult conversations except in crisis, or to throw crabbiness when they don't get their way. We might even go so far as to commend that children be trained to react to all adults, including their parents.

About Author: - John David is an expert author of http://www.troubledteensparents.com/

How Can Our History Change Their Future?

Sterling Ashby Published 01/29/2008 Children Unrated

History gets a bad rap in school. Many of us have memories of history class being taught by rote memorization of facts and dates and names with little or no application to our daily lives. No wonder its considered boring and dull. Anytime we are expected to simply recite and repeat bare data for the sole purpose of passing a test, that information is unlikely to have any lasting change or effect on our lives. In order to use the valuable lessons that history can teach us, it needs to be presented to children (and adults!) in a way that brings it alive and connects to our present day way of life.

How Can History Make a Difference?

History has many valuable lessons for us that can spur us on to greater achievement and accomplishments, but only if we can find a way to teach it to our children in a way that will get them excited and revved up. If a child is taught that the great discoveries and milestones in our history shaped our culture and our world, and that these discoveries were made by ordinary people JUST LIKE THEM, they can be inspired to go and achieve huge milestones and accomplishments of their own.

However, if, as parents, teachers, mentors or role models, we did not have a passion for history ourselves, it becomes nearly impossible to stir up an excitement for it in our children. We have become so accustomed to our world that we take for granted the amazing discoveries and accomplishments of the ordinary people who became extra-ordinary by using and building upon what has already been learned by others. By finding ways to get our children excited about the value of historical information and lessons, we can inspire them to see possibilities for their own future. We need to show our children that history is NOT simply a recitation of the events of the past, but a proving ground for the greatest challenges and accomplishments of the future. We can learn from those who have gone before us and use that knowledge to shape the events that will carry us into the ?history? of the next generation.

Historians have long known and espoused the need to apply the wisdom of the past to the problems of the present in order to change the future. Frederick Jackson Turner, one of the two most influential American historians of the early 20th century, once said, ?Each age tries to form its own conception of the past. Each age writes the history of the past anew with reference to the conditions uppermost in its own time.? Because we can more readily relate to the world in which we live than we can to a distant past, we view our history from a perspective that is based on today.

How Can The World Change?

So, how might the world change if we could find a way to instill a love of history into our children when they are in elementary school? If children in third, fourth, fifth grade were able to really connect with some of the ordinary people in history who accomplished extraordinary things, what would they go on to accomplish in their own lives? Here are a few ideas of what could happen:

● If a child learns the history of Marie Curie what might that lead to? When Marie Curie and her husband Pierre discovered radium, it eventually led to an effective treatment for many types of cancer. Their work and subsequently Madame Curie's own death from aplastic anemia, almost certainly from overexposure to radiation, also led to the discovery that too much radioactive exposure is fatal. We now live in a world where nuclear radiation is a global threat. If a child can learn about chemistry and Marie Curie, then she can learn how to counteract any bio-terrorism or nuclear attack and save millions from certain death and devastation.

● If a child learns the story of George Washington Carver or the history of agriculture, she will learn that the introduction of agriculture was instrumental in civilizations being able to evolve from hunter-gatherers who were constantly on the move in order to feed themselves to becoming more stable and settle in one place. Furthermore, developments in agriculture, allowed individuals and families to produce enough food to feed the entire community, freeing up others to perform other tasks that led to further growth and expansion. They will learn that innovations in agriculture changed the entire economic dynamic of the American south as reliance on cotton was lessened. By learning about crop rotation and hybridization, then she will grow up knowing that there are new techniques and hybrids waiting to be developed and she may finally find a way to feed the starving children of the world.

● If a child learns about the reality of the Holocaust and the murder of six million Jews, as well as millions of other Europeans who were determined to be less than desirable by Adolf Hitler and his Nazi followers and their rampage of hatred across Europe, he can become the political statesman that finds a way to end the genocide that still takes place in this world in many places such as Darfur and Rwanda. The fact that genocide still takes place in our world after the unthinkable horrors of the Holocaust is a tragic outcome of what happens when we refuse to learn from history. But it will be a child who has found a passion for history who becomes the individual who finally finds a way to end this kind of calamity and prevent it from being allowed to continue or begin again.

● If a little boy learns about the search for insulin to treat diabetes and discovers that the first insulin was extracted from dogs, he can use the tenacity that was involved to cure Parkinson's disease or spinal cord injuries. By learning about the trials and errors of scientists of the past, especially when times were primitive and tools were crude, that child will learn that there are no boundaries to what we might learn or find or create? In 25 years time, there could be a cure for AIDS, diabetes and cancer. How would our world change if we could find the cures to such devastation?/

● If a child is taught the mathematical genius of men like Johannes Kepler and Isaac Newton, he can learn that mathematical equations are the basis of all space travel and as he learns about how to apply that knowledge, together with the historical knowledge of astronomy, he could work with other scientists and chemists and discover how to recreate the Earth's atmosphere on another planet or moon and the real possibility of a space community/colony can happen.

● If a child learns the history of the civil rights movement, in a way that shows and creates empathy for the very real feelings of the people that lived and still do live with such terrible injustice and intolerance, cruelty and ignorance, she can learn to find ways to end the rest of the racism in America. The lives of leaders like Martin Luther King, Jr. are taught in history classes, but usually not to the depth that can create real change. If a child could be shown the creation of prejudice by a class-based society when he is seven, eight or nine years old, before he has been exposed to a lifetime of bigotry, he could readily accept the faulty thinking involved and prevent it from passing on to his generation.

● If a child learns the truth of wars like Vietnam he could learn that war really doesn't solve a thing. Although we salve our egos with noble causes like ending Communism, ending slavery, ending terroristic rule, most wars are caused by power, hatred, and greed. If a child learns that these are really the reasons that thousands and thousands of soldiers and civilians die, he might learn to live a life free of these crippling, deadly emotions. If all of our children in third, fourth and fifth grade could learn to live without a need for power, a hatred of others and a greed that drives him to do unthinkable things, how might that change our world in 25 years?

Robert Kennedy once said, ?Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total; of all those acts will be written the history of this generation.? We cannot change our history, nor should we want to. We can learn from it, grow from it and become better because of it. The history of this next generation is waiting to be written?.Equip them with the skills to make it a memorable one.