3 Strategies to Teach Your Children How to Problem Solve

by : Matt Hellstrom

Dr. James Lehman's assertion is that kids don't know how to problem-solve, and that's why they act out in inappropriate ways. It's a coping mechanism they've developed to force someone else to solve the problem at hand for them. What he does with The Total Transformation Program is help us parents give our kiddos the tools they need to solve their problems. The tools that promote responsibility taking and accountability.
Here are three of these techniques that can give you a firm idea of how simplistic and realistic these tools are in turning things around and quickly.
Make direct statements. Tell them what you want , firmly and clearly, then walk away. Don't be afraid of appearing powerless. You've made your child accountable for his actions, and to him that's powerful.
Disconnect. Stop communication with the child if they're being abusive or disrespectful. Make it a power vacuum, and you'll be amazed how fast things change. This is one that we've started using and I can't believe how good it works. Communication should not resume until the child takes responsibility for their behavior.
Make the consequences task-oriented and time-limited. Use, as often as possible, consequences that are directly connected to the problem behavior, e.g. "you cannot use the phone until you finish your homework tonight". Remember your child cannot be punished into acceptable behavior. They should be short term, not a prison term.
Lastly, don't hold your breath! Their problem-solving skills will develop. However, change and gratitude don't come overnight. Later on, blame will be replaced with thanks, but it might be a while in coming.
A few good reminders - Don't let what the child says or does in response to your actions change your way of handling the problems. Consistency is a huge benefit in parenting. And don't be too hard on yourself if you slip up. Remember this is also retraining a lot of our parenting behaviors too. One thing is for sure, you will get another chance to practice these techniques!
These tips are part of a guaranteed, simple program designed to stop your child's out-of-control, defiant behavior RIGHT NOW! Read a review of The Total Transformation today, and take the first step to getting control of your house back. You can also learn more effective parenting skills from Matt and Julie's parenting journey blog. This blog contains lots of useful (and some useless) tidbits that they've discovered in the last 15 years of parenting in the trenches with 5 adopted kids.
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